Beating the Body Image Blues

Hi Makiko,

Hi Karisha,

Thank you for joining us in Sunnyside,

The fictional village where our episodes take place.

If you’d like to contact us with questions, compliments or concerns, please do so. We’ll include a link in the show notes.

Looking out at the fog, Jesse fidgets with his phone, hoping his ex-wife’s message saying she’d call him in 5 minutes was accurate. Finally, Blair’s name appears on the screen, and he hurriedly answers.

“Sorry, it’s been crazy,” Blair says.
“It’s fine. I wanted to ask what you thought about Carene seeing this therapist the son of one of my friends has gone to.” Jesse knows he’s speaking too quickly. He takes a breath. “She’s a hypnotherapist, actually.”
“A hypnotherapist? Really, Jesse? Aren’t you overreacting?”
Jesse says, “I’m worried about her. She’s never been this critical of herself before.”
Blair sighs, “All 15-year-olds hate how they look. Maybe cut back on our social media time.”
“That’s what my friend’s son got help with, actually.” Jesse says, hopefully.
“Or,” Blair suggests, “We can just make a rule.”

Jesse hesitates, then says, “It’s not just social media. I spoke to the hypnotherapist, and I think she can help. Do you want to talk to her?”
“I trust that you’ve done the research, Jesse. It seems unnecessary, but if you think it’s important, then let’s give it a try.”
“If I email you the form, can you please get it back to me today? It requires both parents’ signatures.” Jesse goes to his laptop, open on the kitchen table, and as soon as Blair says, “Of course,” presses send on the prepared message.
“Thank you, Blair.”
“Keep me updated. Thanks, Jesse,” Blair says. Jesse ends the call, feeling relieved. Now he just has to convince Carene.

K: The friends Jesse’s referring to here are Shiori and Hiro, the parents of 17-year-old Akimitsu, who had sessions with the hypnotherapist, Reina Ibarra, to help him with his social media usage and schoolwork focus. Information about that episode is included in the show notes.

M: And here, just one quick note, when we work with a minor, meaning anyone under 18 in the U.S. and actually in Japan, it’s 20, but we need a written consent from all legal guardians.

So in shared custody situation, that means each guardian needs to agree and sign.

K: Right, exactly.

That evening during dinner, Jesse asks his daughter, “You know how Akimitsu had some appointments with a hypnotherapist?”
“Yeah,” Carene says, “You’ve told me 20 times.”
“He really liked the sessions, found them useful. Would you be willing to talk to the same person, see if she could help you feel happier?”
“Dad, you shouldn’t expect to be happy all the time. It’s not reasonable.”

Jesse pauses for a moment, then says hesitantly, “Weren’t you at least happier before?” “Before what?”
“Before now?”
Carene sighs loudly, “More likely seeing a personal trainer or an esthetician or a plastic surgeon would make me happier. The problem is not in my mind.
Jesse asks, “What about talking to her on the phone?”
“To who?”
“Reina, the hypnotherapist.”
“Oooh, you must really want this. Where is the dad who would have said to whom, killing any chance of a rapport with his bratty illiterate teen?”
“Not bratty. I say sincerely, before realizing I have just increased rapport.”
Carene laughs, “She can’t help me. I’ll talk to her though.”

K: Just a quick mention, as with every topic we cover on this podcast, hypnosis isn’t the only option. It’s just the one we’re basing our stories on since we are hypnotherapists.

A few days later, Carene has a phone consultation with Reina, who tells her, “Your dad is worried you’re feeling negative about your appearance and that you seem very unhappy. Do you agree with him?”

Carene thinks about this for a moment, then says, “I do hate the way I look. My mom says I’m in an awkward phase, but she’s not so beautiful herself.”
She pauses to see if Reina will laugh or protest, then continues when she doesn’t.
“I’m not being bullied like my dad keeps asking. I don’t think how people look on social media is always reality like my mom thinks I do.”

Reina asks, “Do you remember when you started disliking how you looked?”
Carene doesn’t respond right away, even though the answer comes to her immediately.

“I guess about a year ago, a friend posted a picture of me with herself and two other girls. They were all smiling and posing just right, but my mouth was open weird and my hair looked greasy and my stomach stuck out and someone commented under it that one of them didn’t look like the others. And I know that was just one photo and it’s about them being ready and posing and me not. But from then on, I’ve noticed in real life that everyone else looks better than I do. At least everyone except people I don’t want to look like anyway.”

Reina says, “Oh that’s tough. There’s nothing like a bad photo, especially when you can’t delete and forget, which is my policy. And my friends and family have to get posting approval, something impossible in high school, with photos being taken all over the place.”

“How can you help me if you don’t like bad photos of yourself?”
Reina laughs, “Good question. Maybe you’d rather work with someone who doesn’t care how they look in photos.”
“Maybe,” Carene says.
“Think about that and I can give you and your parents some other options if you’d like.”

After a moment, Reina continues. “The photo thing’s never been a big problem in my life, possibly because photos were taken much more rarely when I was growing up.”
“I guess I’d rather work with someone that gets it,” Carene says. “At least if there is a way to help. It’s a big problem in my life and like I said, it’s not photos that are the main issue anymore.”

“Makes sense. Is there any time when you aren’t thinking about how you look?”
“When I’m asleep.”
“Are you sure about that?” Reina asks.
Carene laughs, “Okay then, I don’t know.”
“Any activities you do that are fully absorbing, no room for other thoughts?”
“No.”
“Is there anything you’d like to learn or a program at school you’re interested in?
“Not really.”
“Do you have anything you do besides school?
Carene sighs, “Not that I like.”

“Okay, try this. See if you can really push your imaginative skills for a minute. If you could wake up tomorrow and have your dream day, what would that look like?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe my best friend would have slept over and the next morning, we’d video ourselves making creme brulee french toast as if we were on a cooking show. And then, we’d post it and it would go viral and we’d get accepted to a famous French pastry school. But we don’t find out about that until later in the week. So back to today, we go to the park and I teach a tai chi class and all the students really love it, including my friend. And then, we go back to her place and make dinner for her parents because they’d clean up if someone else does the cooking. Oh, and before that, for lunch, we’d go to a cafe and maybe go see a movie too.”

“That sounds so fun, Reina says. “You and your best friend must be talented chefs.”
“We became friends when someone in junior high said we should have a bake-off to see who made the best chocolate chip cookies.”
“Oh, nice. And you’ve learned tai chi?”
“Not really. We did a martial arts series in PE and I really liked tai chi. I felt calm and peaceful doing it.
“Wonderful. Thank you so much for talking to me today, Carene. Do you think you’d like to try a session together?”
“I guess so,” Carene says.

K: Just asking the questions gets our subconscious working toward finding the answers. So, it’s fine if an answer doesn’t come right away.

M: Right. And in this case, you know, Carene sort of started to come up with different ideas. And like Carene mentioned, she at first said that she couldn’t think of anything she was interested in or enjoyed outside of school.

M: But then once she got going, you know, this simple exercise really revealed what she likes, you know, like the cooking and baking and even tai chi. So, you know, this kind of exercise really works.

K: Yeah, it’s really helpful even to do with oneself. She sounded like she had nothing going on, like nothing. Because when we’re in a negative place, that’s how we feel. And we’ve all been there. You know, I’ve done this too, you know, when people have asked me, what’s the good thing? And I immediately go to the bad thing. That’s where I am at that moment. But getting out of that reveals a lot.

The next week, Carene has her first session. At the beginning, when Reina asks how she’s been doing, Carene says, “I feel really ugly today.”
“Let’s try a little exercise,” Reina suggests. “Think about feeling ugly and see if there’s a place in your body that you can find that feeling like if it were hanging out somewhere.”

“Should I close my eyes?” Carene asks.
Reina replies, “You can, but don’t have to. I usually find that closing my eyes helps me focus. See what works best for you.”
Carene closes her eyes. After a moment, she makes a disgusted expression.
“It’s everywhere.”

“That’s fine. See if you can keep focusing on it. Is it still everywhere?”
“Yes,” Carene says.
“See if you notice a place where you feel it even more than other places.”
Looking intent, Carene nods her head a few times, then says, “It’s below my ribcage,” she points. “Kind of right in there.”

“Is it a shape?”
“Not really.”
“What shape is it closest to, maybe? “
“Uh, maybe a crumpled pillowcase?”
“Is it a color?”
“Kind of mustardy.”

“Is there a color that feels like it could blow in and overpower and banish the mustard?”
Carene laughs, “Well, maybe like blue and pink swirling in together could banish it.”
“Blue and pink swirls. Good.”
“It’s more like maroon, no, not maroon, dark pink, dark pink and icy blue.”
Reina says, “Dark pink and icy blue swirling in to banish the mustard. Can you picture that?”
“Yes,” Carene says.
“Is the mustard gone?” Reina asks.
“Yes.”

“How does it feel below your ribcage now?”
“Just kind of lighter. Oh, and also much cooler. Very nice and cool.”
“Great work. So, when you have that feeling, is this something you might do to banish it?”
“Yes, if I remember.”

“We’ll reinforce it in hypnosis. And you can use it to change your state to something you like better. What do you think about that?”
“I like it,” Carene says.
“So, in general, do you ever feel anxious or stressed?”
“Always.”
“Okay, hypnosis is great for that. Today, we’re going to see how relaxed you can get.

K: As we’ve mentioned in other episodes, our first sessions are foundational, finding out how people take in information and getting them to a depth that they’ll be able to reach quickly, very quickly in future sessions. That’s the part we’re not covering here.

M: And also, I want to mention that, you know, kids are really great with this creative work. With teenage clients, if they enjoy drawing, then I often ask them to draw their current state, how they’re feeling in experiencing things in that moment. And then I have them draw how they would rather be or feel. And then we talk about the second drawing, like the emotions, the physical sensations, their expression, and then reinforce that desired state in hypnosis. And you know, the transformation can be really, truly amazing.

K: So Lois Lorback, the hypnotherapist I’m working with, the reason I went to her was because of this extreme fear of travel. I would call it a terror of travel I had for many years, 15 years, 10 to 15 years.

K: And one of the first sessions where we worked on this fear of travel, she had me actually draw, visualize and draw. So it’s not just for kids. Draw what it was like, you know, and then what I wanted to have happen to it, which she then put into hypnosis. And this was a massive thing. It really transformed my life.

M: It’s definitely not just for kids. Personally, I cannot draw worth anything.

K: You don’t need to be able to draw. That’s the thing, you know, you just have to sometimes just using your hand that you know, the connection to the paper

M: Yeah, but I can’t like freely, I really hesitate the hand. Yeah, like, my critical thinking will stop me from drawing.

K: What about if you write with your non dominant hand? That can be helpful.

M: Yeah, that’s, yeah, that sometimes I do try. So it’s definitely not just for kids. But especially with kids, they just go really all the way, you know, with their drawing, and it’s just really amazing to watch that creativity, you know, unfolds. I just love, you know, looking at those pictures, the images that they draw, it’s just a lot of fun.

K: And it’s so much easier for them, because they don’t have that critical thinking come in, like you have. And I do too. I do too. And I’m supposed to be doing those kind of things. And of course, one of the reasons it works so well for kids is they just dive into it, unlike us, you know, the adult and it really is better just to go at it not to be perfectionist. So probably all adults have some kind of, you know, hesitation. Whereas children just jump right into it. Right, right.

M: They’re just so free. And, you know, go all the way in. It’s a lot of fun.

At school a few days later, Carene’s friends are all talking enviously about a girl in their math class, whose TikTok dance video is getting a lot of attention. Carene watches it with them as her friends make envious comments about wanting the girl’s physique, her face and her hair. Carene has a feeling of hopelessness, knowing she will never be able to look anything like this girl.

She focuses on the area below her ribcage and doesn’t notice the mustard color so much here with her eyes open. But she starts to be able to imagine it. And then she sends the swirls of icy blue and dark pink toward the area, visualizing the blue and pink blasting the mustard out more violently than she had in her session.

She’s filled with a cool, relaxed feeling she felt in hypnosis. And she unconsciously takes a deep breath, filling her abdomen. The video is still being replayed, but now there’s a calmness in her as if the video really doesn’t matter.

At her second session, Carene says she has been able to banish the mustard a few times, but sometimes she still feels unhappy for reasons besides how she looks.
“Remember how you were telling me about baking with your best friend?” Reina asks.
“Yeah.”
“Take a moment to imagine now that you’re doing that, baking with your best friend. Can you get the picture and feeling of doing that?”
“Yes.”

“Good. How are you feeling when you imagine that?”
“Nice.”
“Where do you notice that in your body?”
“In my chest, I guess.”
“Any colors this time?”
“It’s very glowy. A glowy bright green.”
“Ah, a glowy bright green. Any sounds come up?”
“No.”
“Any smells?”
“No. Oh, wait. Vanilla.”
“Yum. Vanilla. A very relaxing scent, too. Okay, so we’ll make an anchor with this, meaning something you can use anytime and it will get stronger the more you use it. You’ll have two tools you can use whenever you’d like. How does that sound?”
“Great,” Carene says.

After the hypnosis part of the session, Reina says, “You mentioned maybe teaching tai chi someday. Do you ever do it now that your class is over?”
“I did it with online videos a couple of times.”
“Wonderful.”
“It wasn’t the same, though.”
“Would you like to take classes if your parents were okay with it?
“I guess so.”
“Well, if it sounds interesting, consider talking to them about it this week.”
“I’ve never mentioned tai chi to them. They’ll think it’s just a passing thing like when I wanted to do the soccer club or gymnastics.”
“Even if you don’t take classes forever, it can be helpful to have something physical to focus on.”
“Yeah, I guess.”

Carene asks her dad if she can take tai chi classes. He’s surprised and pleased, and when he researches the benefits, he’s excited.

But the local classes he finds have photos showing only adults. He calls and is told that while 15-year-olds are welcome, they currently only have older students in their classes. He asks Carene if she’s okay with that, and she droops in disappointment, shaking her head.

“What if I go too?” He asks.
“Like you’d learn tai chi?”
“Why not? I could give it a try, at least.”
“It would be weird doing a class with only adults.”
“It would be better than doing it with little kids. The adults will think you are adorable supporting your old dad learning something new.”
Carene laughs, then thinks about it for a while. “Okay,” she says finally. “I’ll do it if you go too.”

At her next session, Reina asks how Carene has been feeling overall.
“I’ve been feeling less focused on how I look, actually.” Carene says.
“What have you been more focused on?” Reina asks.
“Just doing stuff, I guess. What I’m good at or like to do. My main problem lately is hating to even start my geometry homework. It’s torture. Can we work on that?”
“Yes, we can.” Reina says.

K: And like we were talking about before, kids do tend to see change very quickly. And for the reasons we said earlier, they’re just open, imaginative, and their critical thinking is less developed. So they’re really fun to work with.

M: Yep. And yeah. Yeah, I totally resonate with Carene here. I never, I never liked math, you know, geometry and everything else. So I totally, I mean, I wish I had hypnotherapy back in high school, in junior high and high school. Yeah, I totally get that.

K: She doesn’t want to start her homework.

M: Yeah, that was totally me. It’s like geometry, like ignore it, you know.

K: As if it doesn’t exist.

Thank you so much for joining us in Sunnyside. We would love it if you’d tell a friend about Rays of Light.

And we’d like to thank High Street Jack for providing our theme song.

Stories for Rays of Light are written by Karisha.

Makiko created and maintains our website and is in charge of process management and post-production.