Has Sleep Escaped?
Easing into Satisfying Slumber

Thank you so much for joining us in Sunnyside.
Where the characters are fictional and the problems are real.

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Gwen Poulin collapses onto her bed, her mind frantically reviewing all the problems she’s gained since her business partner told her without any warning that he plans to move across the country.

They started Minions of the Moon Cafe four years ago, and they’ve always divided up the work. It won’t be viable without him. Their partnership agreement is inadequate, created when they only plan to be open for four hours a day.

Also, he’s harassing her to buy him out, even though he knows that’s not possible. Since opening, the success of their cafe has led to it taking over their entire lives, with one of them available at all times. The cafe increased its hours to six after one year, then again to eight only a few months ago.

They celebrated with a Minions of the Moon party that spanned the entire block. Even then, many customers were good-naturedly clamoring for them to extend their hours longer. In the week since he announced his defection, her business partner, Joel, has continued to fill his commitments to the cafe.

But today he told her that will also stop, adding that he’s meeting with an attorney to see what his rights are. Gwen needs to do some research to make a strong case, but she’s certain that with their debts and the building lease, the destruction of her dream won’t even pay Joel’s attorney fees. He would be better off helping her come up with a plan to keep the business going after he leaves.

At 52, Joel regularly joked that he hadn’t had a romantic relationship last longer than 16 months. But within a few days of meeting Gwen’s long-ago college roommate, Avery, Joel decided he was in love. Unfortunately, Avery agreed, and she expected him to move with her to her home across the country.

No matter how quickly the relationship ends, it doesn’t seem like it will be soon enough to save the cafe. Minions of the Moon’s official motto is, Coffee so strong you can stay up all night and still call yourself a morning person. And it used to delight Joel as much as it did Gwen.

Now he seems completely detached from not only the business and Gwen, but all of his other friends and the city of Sunnyside, which he once swore he would never leave. He doesn’t care that Avery is clearly still grieving the death of her husband of nearly 40 years, nor that her two adult children live with her in the house he plans to call home. Gwen sighs and tries to silence her mind so she can sleep. She puts on an episode of the usually distracting Squid Game, but the terrifying thriller only focuses her more on her hopeless financial situation.

So right before we fall asleep, we move through this meditative, hypnotic, kind of a dreamy state. And in that state, the filter between the conscious, what we’re aware of, and the subconscious relaxes. So whatever we’re exposed to can go into the subconscious much more easily.

That’s why bedtime really isn’t the time for violent shows or disturbing news. Because, you know, all of that stimulus, the negative stimulus and the fear and anxiety, those negative emotions can like sink right in. So instead, give your mind something positive. You know, that’s why affirmations before sleep can be so powerful.

And here, Gwen chooses to watch Squid Game, which is apparently a terrifying thriller. Sorry, I don’t know this show. And this only fuels her tension and stress, I’m sure, you know, both physiologically and emotionally. So no wonder she focuses even more on her, you know, worries and issues.

Well, long ago before I knew this, I used to read True Crime before bed. No wonder I had nightmares.

All night, Gwen goes over and over her worries for her own life and her anger over how stupid and selfish Joel is being. The next morning, Gwen works blearily along with the single staff member they can afford, feeling too nauseated from exhaustion to drink or eat anything.

She doesn’t worry about not living up to the cafe’s motto as she normally would. She feels defeated. She overhears Shiori talking about her son Akimitsu’s increased focus and positivity since he started his hypnotherapy sessions.

Gwen’s heard all about Reina Ibarra, the hypnotherapist Marie Lou is constantly promoting. Even someone Gwen is interested in dating has talked about having a session with Reina. Gwen does not like the idea of having the same therapist as someone she’s romantically involved with, despite expectations of confidentiality.

The idea of anyone complaining to her therapist about her would bother her every time they got into an argument. But since everyone seems to like Reina so much, Gwen decides to call her and ask for a referral. She’s far too tired to wade through websites.

Just a quick note for anyone who hasn’t had the chance to listen to those earlier episodes. Akimitsu is Shiori’s teenage son who was struggling with social media overuse on his phone. And hypnotherapy really helped him refocus, especially on his schoolwork.

And Marie Lou, who was also featured, was dealing with a lot of anger at the time. First about local politics, and then about a rejection in a relationship. We’ve listed the episode titles and dates in the show notes if you want to go back and listen.

And here, Gwen decides to call Reina to ask for a referral rather than wading through a bunch of websites. That’s actually a smart move.

And speaking of referrals, I’m very grateful to Makiko for suggesting I work with Lois Lorback, an absolutely wonderful hypnotherapist who’s helped me improve my life for the better in so many ways.

That’s awesome. Cool. Yeah, she is great.

Thank you again.

And you might feel a little awkward reaching out to a therapist for a referral, but it’s perfectly fine to explain that you know some of their clients and would like to work with someone separate, especially if your concerns are about relationships. Because therapists understand that each person should have their own independent therapist.

Hypnotherapy is always one-on-one, not couples or family counseling. And even if your issues aren’t about relationship, it’s understandable to prefer a therapist who doesn’t know anyone in your circle.

During Gwen’s consultation call with the hypnotherapist, Luke Cantrell, he gives her some suggestions for improving her habits around sleep, including when she stops drinking caffeine and using devices. Luke gave Gwen some great tips around her sleep habits, like when to stop drinking caffeine and limiting device use before bed.

There are a few more things that can really help with good sleep hygiene, what we call. So, for example, not eating right before bed. Ideally, stop heavy meals about two to three hours before, you know, going to bed. Digestion continues during the night, but ideally the bulk of your meal should be sort of finished a few hours beforehand. So your body isn’t working hard to break down food while you’re trying to sleep.

Dim the lights at least an hour before bed if you can, especially in Japan, we use very bright lights in homes. And so I have to dim the lights sort of to, you know, imitate the sunset feel. Probably that’s not the case in especially in Europe. I don’t know about US, but anyway, and dimming the lights, it actually helps your body cue melatonin for sleep, again, because of the sunset kind of a feel.

Also taking a warm bath or a shower before bed is great too, because afterwards your body temperature drops, which makes it easier to fall asleep. Other helpful habits include keeping a consistent sleep schedule, sleeping in a cool, quiet room, and getting bright daylight in the morning to reset your circadian rhythm.

Even relaxing rituals like gentle stretches or reading, you know, a book, that’s not horror, again, help to signal your body it’s time to wind down.

At the beginning of her first session, Luke asks Gwen when her sleep problems began, and she launches into a story of Joel’s betrayal. After Gwen has gotten mired in a listing of her financial woes, Luke asks, “How was your sleep before Joel told you he wanted to leave the business?” “It was fine”, Gwen says. Then she pauses, and looking down at her hands, adds, “Well, let’s see. A lot happened at once. We extended our hours, which we were prepared for, so that was fine until Joel lost his mind. We had a big party for my birthday, and for the cafe. I turned 64. My mom died when she was 63, my dad at 60.”

She looks at Luke. “They died over 20 years ago, so I don’t know why it hit me so hard, being older than they ever were. The days leading up to my birthday, I felt like I would die at any moment. I didn’t sleep well then. The party was very distracting, very fun, but afterward I felt sad, as if I were mourning them all over again.”

Luke asks, “Did the same thing happen when you turned 60?” Gwen thinks for a moment, then she sighs. “Maybe. I felt a lot of things on turning 60 right after a bad breakup. I can’t really separate what was causing what.”

Sometimes the beliefs we carry deep in our subconscious actually come from our parents or primary caretakers, even without us realizing it.

For example, a parent’s income can set an unspoken cap in the mind, so even decades later, especially with inflation, once you reach that level, then your subconscious might signal that this is as high as you should go, and you get stuck there sometimes. The same can happen with ideas about longevity. You might feel, almost instinctively, that living beyond your parents’ age is somehow wrong or selfish.

These subconscious patterns can quietly shape your life in ways you don’t notice, but awareness alone could be a good first step to shifting them.

Luke says, “A lot of people find it helpful to write letters to loved ones who’ve passed on. It provides a chance to say the things that were never said. Is that something you’ve done or considered?”

“No,” Gwen says. “I’ve journaled about them, but I’ve never written a letter to them.”
“Would you consider doing that before your second session?” Luke asks.
“Sure.”

So, Gwen has journaled before, but she hasn’t tried writing a letter. Now, both journaling and writing letters can be really effective, but they work in slightly different ways, I think.

Journaling is more about yourself, you know, getting your thoughts, feelings, and subconscious hints down on paper. It helps you explore what’s going on inside, what you’re holding on to, and how you really feel. Writing a letter to someone alive or deceased, even if it’s unsent, is a bit different.

It’s still a form of communication, in my view, because you are still directing your words outward, even if the person never reads it. And there’s something in that act that can help you process relationships, closure, or unresolved feelings in a way journaling alone may not. Yeah, so both are valuable and both are effective, but they just serve slightly different purposes, I think.

They talk more about her relationship with her parents and their deaths, including things she wishes she’d said and done, and things she wishes she hadn’t. Abruptly, Gwen says, “I’m feeling overwhelmed. It’s all too much.”

“That makes sense, especially since you’re here to work on sleep. Our tolerance for stress is at its highest when we wake up in the morning. After enough good sleep, that can get us through a lot before we’re overloaded and need to sleep again. Eating healthily, getting regular physical movement in, and managing life’s pressures also helps a great deal.”

“I’m not sleeping well or handling my stress well. My diet’s okay. I don’t eat until noon. I’m not part of intermittent fasting or anything. I just don’t have the time.”

“When does your day start?”
“5 a.m.”
“For this next week, will you experiment with eating a healthy source of protein within an hour or two of waking up?”
“Sure. We sell really popular breakfast bites that are high in plant-based protein without added sugar. That’ll be easy enough.”
“Excellent”, Luke says.

So we received a question from a listener asking if I don’t like protein from the last episode.
So, yeah, I hate protein. Just kidding. Protein is definitely important. In fact, the first thing I take in the morning is a glass of water with a high-quality amino acid supplement. I also get plenty of plant-based protein from nuts and beans, plus lots of vegetables and fruit. Especially, I just love fruit.

It’s just that I’m not a fan of diet fads like low-carb or high-protein or high-fat trends, like one-thing focus kind of thing. I’m a believer in balance because our bodies need a good mix of all macronutrients as well as micronutrients. For example, these days people probably do eat too many carbs, especially highly processed, low-quality ones.

But just cutting back enough, I don’t think so. And it’s not just about what we eat, but it’s also how our bodies process it that really matters, I think. Yeah, everyone’s different.

For example, some people recommend eating protein right before bed, but to me that doesn’t really make sense at all because protein, whether animal or plant-based, takes a lot of energy to break down. So eating it right before sleep can actually keep you awake. Protein is important for tryptophan, the precursor to melatonin. But again, it takes time to digest. I’m not a nutritionist, so I’m not making any recommendations here. I’m just explaining my own belief and approach.

And we welcome all questions about Makiko’s eating habits. Send them on.

Gwen adds, “I’ll also stay away from screens for at least half an hour before bed, like you mentioned on our call. I did stop drinking coffee at 2 p.m., but I might need to try a bit earlier if I want to go for 8 hours of sleep.”
“Is 8 hours what you felt best with before?”

Gwen nods. “Yeah, 7 was never quite enough. 5 or 6 used to kill me. So it’s ridiculous how I’ve been going on 3 or 4, especially with all this added stress, even though that’s the reason why I can’t sleep.”

“It can be a vicious cycle”, Luke says. “And luckily, hypnosis is very successful in helping people break it and start something new, first by lowering stress and regaining a sense of control and focus. Your part will be listening to your recording. I’ll email you a sleep one you can start on tonight. And experimenting with the best time to start eating food and stop drinking caffeine.”

During the hypnosis part of her session, Gwen feels like her entire body is floating, and she comes out of hypnosis certain that her life has been transformed.

So Gwen is what we’d call a somnambulist, not in the sense that she sleepwalks. She may, but she doesn’t have to. But in terms of suggestibility.

So people with this type of high suggestibility tend to get overloaded quickly, which means they can slip into a hypnotic state more easily than others. Just to sort of recap, some people take in information very straightforwardly, while others process it more by inference, like reading between the lines, so to speak.

Somnambulists, like Gwen, can do both. They take in information directly and by inference well. That’s why they tend to be more suggestible than others. Of course, this is all on a spectrum, not black and white. So there are all sorts of shades of gray in between. Right, like with everything. Yep.

Gwen doesn’t have any caffeine after her midday session, and she sleeps six hours that night. She wakes up feeling triumphant and has two of the cafe’s small breakfast sandwiches with her first cup of coffee. While she’s serving customers, she overhears a conversation about a predicted steep increase in the cost of parking in the downtown area.

This is something she and other business owners are already taking action to prevent, but her mood plunges dramatically. Gwen’s bedtime habits vary a lot the next few nights. When she’s not fantasizing about being given enormous sums of money, she scrolls through Avery’s social media accounts, looking for proof that Joel is making a big mistake.

She forgets to listen to her sleep recording and finds herself drinking coffee as late as 8 p.m. while trying to figure out how she can keep the cafe going. She has a vivid dream early the morning of her next session. She vaguely remembers Luke saying something about how she would release what she no longer needed in her dreams, so she writes down some notes.

“It was so upsetting”, Gwen tells Luke at the beginning of her session.
“I couldn’t get back to sleep. I should have tried the recording, I guess. In the dream, my mom was calling out and I couldn’t find her. I kept ending up in filthy bathrooms. I also needed to pee in the dream and in real life when I woke up. But the bathrooms were too disgusting to use and my mom was calling and calling and I couldn’t find her or a clean bathroom.”

Luke asks, “Do you have any idea how old you were in the dream?”
“Well, mom was alive, I guess, but it never happened. I didn’t recognize the place I was in at all. I’ve had to use some less than salubrious bathrooms in my lifetime, but nothing as bad as these. There also wasn’t any privacy. The toilets were in full view of random people. Now that I think about it, it might have been a hospital. It wasn’t a familiar hospital. Both of my parents died at home. I don’t know why, but I feel like I was my age now, not the age I was before mom died. I’m not sure, though.”

You mentioned feeling upset. Any other emotions come up?
“Fear, frustration, guilt, lots of guilt?”
Luke says, “Like we discussed briefly before, this is what we call a venting dream, what you have when you’re ready to let something go. Dreams can be very informative also. They let us know how the therapy is working. I’m impressed you remembered to take notes.”
“I’m impressed too”, Gwen admits. “I didn’t remember anything else.”

So whether we remember them or not, it is said that we dream multiple times most nights. The dreams that happen in the early mornings, the ones we are more likely to remember, are what we call venting dreams. During sleep, the brain sorts through the day’s experiences, emotions, and stimuli, and it updates the subconscious and releases old patterns, associations, and feelings that are no longer useful.

So if you wake up from a disturbing dream or with really kind of heavy, yucky emotions, it’s not actually necessarily a bad thing. It could actually mean your system is processing and releasing those emotions, along with whatever was tied to them. That’s one of the reasons we use dreams in hypnotherapy.

Luke and Gwen discuss a bedtime routine to reinforce in hypnosis, which begins at 9.45 p.m. and involves Gwen listening to her hypnosis recording, putting her phone away, washing her face, brushing her teeth, reading in one of her go-to favorites by Mary Wesley, writing out an intention in the positive, and then turning off the lights.

“How does this sound to you”, Luke asks, after reading back her ideas.
“Very doable. I’m excited. I haven’t made time to read my favorite books in years.”

A bedtime routine really needs to be personalized.
It’s something you can talk through with your therapist so you can come up with habits that feel realistic and enjoyable. If it doesn’t feel doable or it feels like a chore, you’re not going to stick with it.

Right. Like some people’s will be much simpler than Gwen’s. Some might be even more longer and more complex. It just really depends on the person.

Right. But sleep issues aren’t just about bedtime routines or sleep hygiene. It’s also important to address the stress and anxiety that may be keeping you up.

So that’s why Luke and Gwen talked about eating healthily and also learning coping skills for day-to-day challenges so you don’t keep carrying those things into your bed. So pairing these with a routine you can realistically follow makes it much easier to get restorative sleep.

Gwen follows her new routine every night, and her sleep improves consistently, feeling much more focused after four days. She gathers the evidence to show Joel the state of the business but is too nervous to present it to him. Avery shows up at the cafe daily, slowly sipping a single matcha latte as she looks around with a slight smile.

Gwen imagines her gloating about a delusional financial settlement and doesn’t do more than wave in her direction now and then. It would be far better if Avery wanted to move here and become part of the cafe, but the word is that she’s only extended her stay to give Joel more time to close out his Sunnyside life. At her next session, Gwen tells Luke about how she’s been afraid to arrange a meeting with Joel.

She explains that she feels certain of defeat due to Joel’s daily text threats to take legal action. Luke asks, What do you mean by feeling certain of defeat? Gwen sighs. I don’t know.

I guess I mean that he’ll throw a fit. He’s being so pushy and angry about it. It’s like you wouldn’t believe how well we’ve worked together all these years, and we were friends too.
If I found out he had a brain tumor, I would not at all be surprised.

“Will you be any worse off if he throws a fit?”
Gwen laughs a little. “No, especially not if it’s in front of other people. Maybe they’ll feel sorry for me and start a fundraiser. I haven’t really told anyone about what’s going on. They all know he’s in love with moving away.” She sighs again.

“Do you have friends that will support you emotionally?”
“Sorry, I keep sighing dramatically. I guess I’ve been feeling ashamed of what a mess I’ve made of it. Not having a proper business agreement, working night and day to barely a pair of living and business expenses, and then my closest friend and colleague just dumps me. Not only dumps me, but wants to destroy my life. And all because of a roommate I was assigned over 40 years ago and never even liked.” They both laugh.

Hearing people talk like this always catches my attention. Here, Joel may be selfish and inconsiderate, and it may feel like he’s out to destroy Gwen’s life, but it’s important to distinguish between the feeling and the actual truth.

He’s just fallen in love, or at least he thinks he has. And now he’s focused on his life and future totally regardless or without fully considering the consequences. Thinking someone wants to destroy your life isn’t healthy or helpful, unless, of course, you’re actually dealing with a narcissist or something like that.

So if I were the therapist here, I would also try to help Gwen reframe her thinking, acknowledge the hurt and frustration most definitely, but also recognize that she still has control over how she responds.

Luce asks, “How would you like to feel about having this talk with Joel?”
“Just totally sanguine.”
“So you’d like to feel sanguine. When you imagine feeling that way, anything else come up for you?”
Gwen closes her eyes. “The color yellow? Like bright sunshine all around me.”
“Good. Anything else?”
“Just kind of hopeful and peaceful, and also like it’s just another thing to get through.”

Luke asks Gwen to think of a supportive friend.
“Heather”, Gwen says promptly.
“How would you like to feel when you think about telling this to Heather?”
“The same.”
“Okay, let’s do some hypnosis.”

The next day, Gwen has lunch with Heather and tells her the whole story. Bolstered by her friend’s support, she asked Joel to meet with her at the cafe before it closes.

She expects him to request another time or a more private place, but he agrees easily. She wonders if he’s expecting her to hand him an enormous check or a briefcase full of $100 bills. He shows up the appointed time with Avery, and they seem annoyed with each other.

Gwen is calm and confident as she explains the cafe’s financial situation to Joel. All of the information has always been as available to him as it is to her. And she suspects he’s thinking that when he opens and then closes his mouth without saying anything.

He glances at a very disappointed looking Avery out of the corner of his eyes. Gwen says, Our sparse legal agreement does say that we only get paid individually based on the hours we spend working on the business. Somehow we made that work until the last couple of weeks.

Avery asks, “So you’ve gotten all the income since he stopped working here?”
“It’s gone to additional staff hours and our payments toward the new oven we installed a few months ago.”
After asking a few inconsequential questions, Joel and Avery leave.

Despite nothing being decided yet, Gwen feels relieved that she’s finally told Joel what he needs to know.

Thank you so much for joining us in Sunnyside. Each episode of Rays of Light stands alone, so you can choose by the topic, or you can start at the beginning and see how the characters and village develop over time.
We’d like to thank High Street Jack for providing our theme song.
And I’d like to thank Makiko for creating and maintaining our website, as well as for being in charge of process management and post-production.
And I’d like to thank Karisha for writing such great stories for Rays of Light.