In the latest episode of Rays of Light, we talked about a challenge so many people silently struggle with: the fear of public speaking.
If you haven’t listened yet, you can find the episode here.
One of our Sunnyside residents, Daniel, is asked to give the main speech at his best friend’s memorial. Terrified and grieving, he still steps up to speak — and his story reveals how public-speaking anxiety often hides deeper emotional work.
In this post, I want to go deeper into why pushing yourself to “just do it” can make the fear worse—and what actually helps people build confidence safely and effectively.
Why “Just Push Through” Can Backfire
You may have heard people say, “Just keep at it and you’ll get used to it.” Or maybe you’ve told yourself that when facing public speaking. While that approach can help if you’re only a little nervous, it often makes things worse when the fear is strong or has been with you for a long time.
Just like I mentioned in the episode interjection, if you keep experiencing strong anxiety or nervous symptoms—sweaty palms, a blank mind—coupled with that sinking sense of “I messed up again” each time you push yourself, those experiences don’t help. Instead, they reinforce the fear and make each attempt feel even harder.
That’s exactly what happened to me as a music student. In my undergraduate program, when I first started performing, I was nervous at first, of course—but I began with low-pressure performances in front of peers. I was able to manage the nerves, and over time, I got used to it. But in graduate school, the stakes felt higher. The pressure to perform well triggered a full-blown fear of performing, and the more I performed under that pressure, the stronger my anxiety became. It really showed me how pushing through fear alone can sometimes backfire.
Taking Small Steps to Stretch Your Comfort Zone
Looking back, I realize that one of the reasons I was able to get used to performing in my undergraduate program was that I started with low-pressure performances in front of classmates. I didn’t know it at the time, but those small, manageable experiences gradually built my confidence, even though I wasn’t thinking about it consciously.
Reflecting on this after learning about hypnotherapy, I understand why small steps work so well. Stretching your comfort zone just a little bit at a time, and achieving small wins, helps retrain your mind to associate performance with success rather than panic. This approach can be applied intentionally to public speaking, music, or any activity that triggers anxiety—giving you a foundation of confidence to build on.
How Hypnotherapy Can Accelerate Overcoming Fear
While small steps are powerful, hypnotherapy can help you make faster progress by addressing the fear on multiple levels. One key element is desensitization, not just of the fear itself, but also of anticipatory anxiety—the nervousness that can arise hours or days beforehand and even when just thinking about speaking or performing. This activation of the fight-or-flight response is what makes anticipatory anxiety so disruptive, and why it’s critical to address it directly.
Another powerful component of hypnotherapy is positive imagery. Our subconscious mind stores images of experiences along with the emotions we felt at the time. For people with a fear of public speaking, their subconscious may link images of performing or speaking with feelings of fear, pressure, or failure. Hypnotherapy helps replace those negative associations with positive ones. By mentally rehearsing yourself speaking or performing calmly, confidently, and clearly, your brain starts to associate the experience with success rather than panic, reducing both anticipatory anxiety and in-the-moment fear.
This is similar to what athletes do with mental imagery training: they consciously visualize themselves performing flawlessly to build confidence and focus. The difference is that conscious visualization takes many repetitions to become deeply rooted, while hypnotherapy works directly with the subconscious, helping positive associations take hold more efficiently.
In our episode, one of Sunnyside’s residents, Daniel, faced a major challenge. He was asked to speak at the memorial of his close friend, Brent, scheduled one month after Brent’s passing. Two weeks passed before Daniel decided to contact Raina, the hypnotherapist, and he had just 12 days to prepare. Despite his intense fear of public speaking, he was able to find calm, focus, and confidence in time for the memorial. You can listen to the full story and hear how hypnotherapy helped him navigate this emotional journey here.
Practical Steps You Can Start Using
If fear of public speaking—or any kind of performance—has been holding you back, here are a few ways to begin shifting your experience:
Final Thoughts
Looking back, I wish I had known about hypnotherapy and subconscious re-patterning when I was struggling with stage fright in graduate school. At the time, I didn’t have the tools to work with the fear, so I did what many people do — I avoided the most triggering version of the experience.
I stopped performing solo and focused entirely on chamber music, because I loved being on stage when I was playing with others.
Fear Isn’t Always “All or Nothing”
That’s an important point: fear of being seen or heard isn’t always the same across every situation. You might feel terrified in one setting and perfectly comfortable in another. It’s not a character flaw — it’s simply how your subconscious has linked certain situations with pressure, judgment, or danger.
In my case, chamber music became the space where I felt safe, connected, and confident. If I’d known then what I know now, I would have used that comfort zone as a springboard — a way to take gradual steps back into solo performance, instead of abandoning it altogether.
A Gentler Path Forward
That’s something I want you to take with you:
Sometimes the path forward doesn’t start with confronting the hardest version of your fear. It can begin in the version that already feels easier — and then expand from there.
Small, safe steps…
Interrupting anticipatory anxiety…
Giving the subconscious new emotional associations…
These alone can begin to shift your experience.
And with the support of hypnotherapy, change can happen much faster than most people expect. Daniel is a perfect example — twelve days made a difference he once thought was impossible.
If you’ve been carrying this fear for years—or even decades—you’re not broken, behind, or alone. You may just need a different approach than “push harder and hope it gets better.” There is always a gentler way forward.